I see myself under water, blue and twisted, sucked into the mud, soiled and wounded and with my eyes I follow my corpse as it swells and breaks free, floats to the surface. It gets stuck on the hull of a boat, that drags it along over mud and rocks.

Reiteration.

I've been in absolute darkness for the last fourteen days. My eyes are not healing well. I'm so alone it's maddening. Today, I got op with a aching pressure above my sick eye and my head is heavy from lack of sleep. Now that I've moved myself, like everyday, to my dark study, I can feel through the double curtains that it's cold, wet and dreary outside. The wind is tugging at the shutters and blows a melancholy tune down my chimney. With every gust of wind, the rain clatters against the windows.
I try to evoke some of the cheerfulness that I lack, in my cat, and lure her with a peace of string; but she retreats to her warm basket near the radiator. She's cold and sad like I am.